Chapter 64: "So This Is Christmas"

I've had my first Christmas away from home ever in life, and really, it wasn't very traumatic or distressing for me. I slept in a lot, considering I've been keeping pretty early hours for those kindergarten buggers this month -_- Then the coworkers and I hit the grocery store for supplies for Christmas lunch/dinner. Our menu was assorted: corn, bacon wrapped around cocktail wieners, sushi, mushrooms, chicken, croissants, and mashed potatoes. We were going to make fajitas, but the guacamole didn't work out, the chicken and cheese got cold, and there was no sour cream to begin with, so we made a last minute menu alteration and had breakfast tacos instead ^.^

Why was your Christmas feast so weird? You might be wondering. Where's the bird? Also a good question. Simple answer, too. No oven, no microwave, and rotisserie isn't too big here. We take what we can get :-)

So we sat on the floor and ate out of pie tins (no table or chairs and not enough plates) and watched White Christmas on a computer. At one point my friend dropped the plate of eggs into soapy water (no counters for the plates, and we were using the drawers as makeshift counter space), but we rinsed them off, fried them up a bit more to steam off the water, and resolved that if any of us got food poisoning, we'd all call in and get an extra holiday :-D

Dessert was a lovely homemade cheesecake, made from my partially-molded cream cheese, but we didn't eat the moldy part, natch. So not a bad Christmas, really. I talked to the fam via webcam, because we're super-modern that way, heehee.

Less than six weeks till I'm back home, y'all!! I'm starting to get a little excited (and tired of teaching, lol).

Chapter 63: "Death Threats to Santa"

Here are some letters to Santa that some of the kids wrote. I think they're all about ten or so.

(Edited slightly for grievous grammatical error)

"Hello! Santa, my name is Do Yeon. This year you give me a mobile phone. Where are you living? You live in Santa Town? And how old are you? Um....I think you are 1,000! Are you alive? You have a lot of presents. I want a lot of presents. Bye."
-Julie

"Hi Santa. You didn't give me any presents. I'm very angry. Maybe if you don't give me presents, your Rudolph will die. This is true. You look like who? Please give me presents. How old are you? I think you are 10,000 years old. Give me an MP3 player."
-Paul

"Dear Santa Claus, my name is Soung Je and my English name is Evan. You give me a present. Next year you can give me wings and magic powder, please. I like you, because you give presents to children. I'm angry because last year you didn't give me a present. Santa have a happy Christmas!"
-Evan

"Hello, Santa Clause. I like you. But you didn't give me any presents. I'm angry. Then where do you live? I live in Korea. How old are you? I'm 11 years old. Do you have any brothers or sisters? I don't have any brothers or sisters. What's your hobby? My hobby is listening to music. Are you alive? Your life, it's a lie. Next year, please give me Rudolph as a present. Bye bye."
-Kevin

"Hello Santa Clause! I'm Cindy. I'm 12 years old. However I haven't been given any Christmas presents so far. So Christmas is nothing special for me. I want some presents please. I want a hand phone. Santa give the presents to me. I love Santa. Give me presents! I will kill you!"
-Cindy


Ah, kids these days. Readers, I give you the future of Korea!! Hide your reindeer. And your presents.

Chapter 62: "The Nerve"

So, being typically Korean and all, my neighborhood has roughly one hundred-twenty-seven tiny corner shops for all of your random late-night eating needs. Seriously though, on the back street off of where I live, there are about seven corner shops over a 3-block span.

The corner shop closest to where I live is this little bitty shop run by an older couple. And some corner store chain has had the nerve to open another shop of theirs right across from this little one. Because it's a chain, it's bigger, it's got a pretty sign lit up outside, the aisles are big enough to walk forward through, and not sideways. And poor Mom and Pop across the street are trying to compete with all these sales and such, even though their store is about the size of my bedroom, and it's being run out of the front part of their apartment.

So we (the other foreign coworkers and I) have been stoutly boycotting this shiny new shop by shopping quite frequently at the old one. I swear, could this new company not have set up their store just a block down? All of the other stores seem to exist in relative peace.

In other news, there is a girl in one of my classes who I particularly don't care for. She's just getting into junior high, and she's always got the nastiest attitude in class with me. She screams and slams things around when I give homework, and I'm like, uhhhh....how old are you? (She's about 12, if you're actually curious.) She's pretty much just putting on a very juvenile show. She'll barely speak any English to me, and when she speaks Korean, she kind of glares at me and whines and shouts a lot, so she permanently sounds angry and rebellious.

But I was complaining to the Korean head teacher about this (after they locked me out of the classroom), and she said that this girl isn't actually angry, her face is just stuck that way. And her voice is stuck that way too. If that's true, and she isn't playing the Korean teacher a big fat lie, that must be a horrible life. Lots of times Koreans tend to sound angry when they're not, but this girl has it baaaaaaad. I mean, if you're screaming and your eyes are narrowed and you've got a frown on, it must be hard to convince people you're not about to slap them.

Chapter 61: "North Korea Does NOT Got Seoul"

Wow. I'm past the 10-month mark, meaning my weeks and days are numbered. I haven't started an official countdown yet, but I think my mom did...about six months back. Also, it's been a little while since I've written anything. I've had another schedule change, and last weekend I went to North Korea, which was interesting.

North Korea....hmmm. It's hard to say what's really going on there, because we weren't even allowed to take photos in most places, just our destinations and the South Korea encampment where we stayed. Also, we were only about a ten minute drive over the border, so who can say if border-land looks the same as interior-land. But if the border land is supposed to be an optimistic view, I don't even want to know what the interior is like.

The border is a complicated arrangement of no-citizen territory for a couple of kilometers, the DMZ, and then another 2 kilometers of no-citizens. We weren't allowed to take any pictures in the DMZ, but I can say that it is brown, with lots of barbed wire and some soldiers.

Immigration was scary, because our tour guide told us that the North Koreans wanted to fine tourists for every tiny thing, and he said that they especially disliked Americans. He said that they would interrogate us about where we worked, our background, etc. We all had to stand in line outside of these big tents, where loudspeakers played this obnoxious traditional North Korean song on repeat. The gist of it was welcome, our leader is great, our leader is wonderful, etc. (Translation courtesy of Liz, our Korean coworker who came along.)

Fortunately, I got through with no hitches, and the officer didn't even ask me anything! I was especially relieved, because the occupation printed on my tag (we all had to wear ID tags the whole time) was wrong, but the tour guide said to memorize it anyway. I'm horrible under pressure!

We passed several villages while touring around (there is a nice spa and several hiking courses through the mountains that are the tourist attractions). They were walled in, and all the houses look the same. Our tour guide said 2-3 families live in each one. Also, the villagers had to hide while the buses passed. We could see them through the trees and looking out of the windows, and they came out once the caravan had gone by. Lots of the trees were cut down "to prevent South Korean spies from hiding out."

The eerie thing, besides there being little life aside from North Korean soldiers posted every 200 meters on the road, was that there's zero sign of an economy. No stores, and I only saw one cornfield the entire time I was there. Of course maybe there's a nice Wal-mart stuck way back in one of the villages, but otherwise the soldiers definitely win the best-dressed award, and probably the most well-fed award too.

While we were there we did a lot of hiking around really tall (and cold) mountains, and slept when we weren't hiking. I doubt I've ever gotten so little sleep over a weekend, because Friday night we had to spend the night on the bus, and start the hike at about 9 or 10 in the morning.

Everywhere there are signs carved into rock and stuck on walls about how North Korea will have unification again (under their political way, natch), and one even said death to the American invaders, or something of that sentiment. I felt loved. They're into their Mr. Kim hard core.

Here are some pics.

While you are perusing the pics, you might notice some extra cute Korean children. Those are my new kids :-) Well, some of them are. With my new term schedule, I teach kindergarten! And yeah, they're pretty much adorable. Right now they're practicing for Open Class, which is a performance for their parents. And they've got English lines for plays and everything and it's sooo cute. I'll be filming it, so hopefully I can post some clips online soon.

The rest of my classes are pretty good, and those that aren't, well, I've only got 2 months with them. I have some of my old kids, and a lot of new ones, too. My evil class has been split up, so I don't have to teach them all together. My annoying class with the two girls that cheat and get away with it has grown bigger, but it is now a listening class, which means they have to shut up if they want to hear :-)

I should tell one story about a particular book I have taught OVER AND OVER, Let's Go 3. That is an annoying book, because the material is limited, and every time I teach it, it's to regular elementary-school students, and not super-smart little kids. That age group is really loud and obnoxious. But this term I teach it to two classes, and one of them is entirely mute. Like, they never say a word. It's great.

The other one is a class of six boys and two girls, and they're just as crazy as they come, but oh well. Can't have everything, I guess.

Sadly, I parted ways with the Class of All Boys and One Girl this term. I shall miss them terribly, Emo Kid and the Smart One in particular. The new teacher has them, and I hope he enjoys them because I think they were my favorites, over all.

Later days, kids. Don't give the New Guy gray hair!!

Chapter 60: "Know What Exotic Food You're About to Try BEFORE You Try It"

It was bound to happen sooner or later. I mean, when you live in a foreign country, with mostly foreign food, you're going to have to eat some stuff and not know exactly what's in it. For almost ten months I've been putting weird and foreign things into my mouth with no horrific side effects, and most of the ingredients (that I know of) have been relatively normal. I mean, I ate the worm larvae, didn't I?

But today I ate something in my culinary innocence that I would not have eaten otherwise, had I known what was in it. The Korean "sun-dae" or "soon-dae" as they pronounce it. It's like a sausage, with noodles inside. I was having a small party with one of my classes because they'd finished their book. The two girls came in all excited, because they'd bought sun-dae and dukbogi (spicy dish with a rice product in it).

I like sausage, and I like noodles, so after asking them what it was, and learning that it was just a korean sausage-like dish, in the spirit of adventure I tried some. I've encountered many many dishes here that I've grown obsessions for in this way, so I was all prepared to get a new favorite food here.

It tasted...not bad, but just a little bit off. The wrapping looked suspiciously intestinal in appearance, and while I accept that many sausages are made this way, this dish tasted particularly intestine-y. The noodles were noodles, nothing surprising, but it was the dark reddish-brown sauce in with them that tasted just a little strange, and was unsettling me somewhat.

You can see where I'm going with this.

Many exotic foods can only be appreciated after a couple of tries (for example, pearl tea), so I had a few more. But I wasn't feeling any more comfortable with it, so I let it go after the third or fourth piece. I felt deep down in my heart (and stomach) that "sun-dae" was meant to be tried in the presence of my other American/European friends, perhaps on a dare.

My Korean coworker confirmed my fears after class. Indeed "sun-dae" is a sausage made with noodles and pigs' blood. And intestinal lining.

Ah well. It shouldn't have really grossed me out; I saw the documentary on hot dogs back in the day. I think it was the bloody noodles that did me in :-) That's not to say I wouldn't have tried it, but I would have braced myself for it, and perhaps done a victory dance afterwards =_=

PS. This video is TOO CUTE:

Chapter 59: "When I was your age, I wasn't allowed to say that."

There seems to be a gap of understanding between the Koreans and foreign English teachers. Well, there are a lot of gaps, but here's one in particular that annoys me just a little bit.

Where on earth to little 7-year-olds get off being allowed to give each other and the teacher the finger? Or saying sh*t, son of a b*tch, or any other English swear word they pick up. Oh yes, it's sooo funny to swear in English. I understand that it's not as impacting when you say the f-word in a different language, but half of the kids kind of just frolic about, throwing these words around like candy. The Korean teachers don't seem to mind terribly. It's a little shocking to us native speakers though, as many of these words are still not allowed on the radio or prime-time television. When I was 7 years old, I wasn't even aware of all the swear words, and me and the kids my age were still trying on "idiot" and "oh my gosh" on for size.

The other half of the kids know what they're saying, in Korean and English. I know, because I know the Korean equivalents to these words. My Irish coworker swears like a sailor, but once she put an 11-yr-old girl out in the hall for saying "son of a b*tch" in Korean and then again in English when my coworker had told her not to. The boss said she'd been too harsh, that the kids didn't understand or mean what they said, but I think that if you say it in Korean and English, you know. And who on earth lets their 11-yr-old kid say those words?

I understand that they're away from their parents, and most kids have potty mouths to some extent when no one's around to smack the fear of God into them. But when the Korean teachers don't even care, there's not much you can do really. Foreign teachers are at the bottom of the heirarchy of respect. Kids are not only going to swear in front of us, they're going to try to get us to do it too -_-

On a brighter note, here is a really funny music video to a popular Korean song:

Chapter 58: "Ambitions"

One of my students is in a wheelchair. She's the first person I've ever really personally known and interacted with who was in a wheelchair, and it's been interesting as well to see how a disabled kid gets along in a school setting, since growing up none of my classmates were ever disabled past a set of crutches for their sprained ankle.

Everyone's pretty relaxed about it. She's about ten or eleven, and she can do wheelies, sometimes her classmates play with her brakes, and when she gets a hold of my hand I can pull her down the hall. She's also wicked strong at arm-wrestling, which makes a lot of sense, if she's doing everything with her arms!

Today we were making our profiles in class, and one of the questions was, "What is your ambition?" Once I explained ambition, everyone wrote theirs down, and a little while later, I went around and asked everyone different questions from their profiles. When I asked Wheelchair Girl (tacky, I know) what her ambition was, she laughed and said, "Teacher, I want to walk!"

That one kind of shocked me. My heart kind of melted a bit and I laughed along with her. I knew she was making a joke, and it's cool that she's not shy about it, but part of me really wanted her to be able to walk someday too.

Chapter 57: "Dark Days in English"

Today I uttered, in all seriousness, this sentence:

"Does anybody no book?"

No, there are no typos or misspellings in there. Just me reduced to the same level of speaking ability as my students.

Today there were several changes to my normal schedule. First, I no longer teach the Class of All Boys. Well, not as we have known it for the past eight months. They split into two classes today: one class for the crazy or less-smart ones (ADD Kid and the Normal One), and one for the smarter ones (New Kid, Emo Kid, and the Smart One, plus the Other New Kid, whose mother doesn't want him to be in the other class, even though his level is likely lower than theirs). And so it goes. Plus we have the new addition of the Cutest Girl, who is so darn adorable you want to just put away your English books and sit down on the floor with her and play Barbies. Yes, it's that bad.

Today was also the last day for me to be teaching the Class of All Girls. Two of the girls are moving to a different English academy (they've been at this one for several years), thus reducing the class to two girls. Those two girls left over will probably be joining another class of their same level.

All that this means is that I get to show up to work later, pretty much, and my hours got switched up a tiny bit. But I'll take it. Only one more month till the term change!! And then the start of my last term. Sigh....the end is slowly approaching!!

Chapter 56: "Stupid Half-pint Kleptos"

I'm pissed off. And I shall tell you why.

A little over a month ago, I bought a really cool (and expensive) mechanical pencil. It had one of those squishy grips on it, was really svelte-looking. And it was the equivalent of 7 USD. I had it for about 4 days, then when I was teaching a class of 1st-graders, it mysteriously disappeared. I looked everywhere, but I was almost positive I lost it in that particular class. I decided to not believe someone took it, and just chalked it up to my absent-mindedness.

Yesterday I bought the same brand of pencil, but an even better color!! It was so cool, and I was enjoyed it for one full class today, before I went to that class of 1st-graders. Something in the back of my mind told me, if you're not careful, one of these kids will nick your pencil. And I was careful too. But I slipped and turned around for a minute to write on the board...

You can see where this is going.

I even thought in my head, "Crap!! You forgot about your pencil!! Quick, get it!!" But it was too late. The pencil was gone. We looked everywhere. I offered two stickers (a decent price for a 1st-grader, especially when I usually don't give stickers) for its return, but it was no good. Then, at the end of class, I was feeling generous, and I said I'd give 4 stickers if they mysteriously found it at home in their bag. I have them again on Wednesday, and if somebody doesn't give it back, I'm upping the hostage fund. It kind of grates on me to reward a thief, but at this point, I'm positive one of those little buggers has my pimp pencil. Kids these age don't even use mechanical pencils!!! They have regular pencils!!

So far I've wasted fourteen bucks, supplying some -expletive deleted- with high-end writing utensils. I know they're still young, but I hope they are discovered soon, and subsequently smote by the fierce and mighty backhand of their ajuma*.

On a brighter note, I am now going to teach you the Korean Student way of eating ramen, or as they say in Korean, "ramyeon."

1. Go buy a single package of ramen from the corner shop. Extra spicy is nice.
2. Don't open the package, but smash it all up. Throw it, step on it, etc. The goal is to break the noodles into very small pieces.
3. Open it up, and retrieve the powder package. Open the powder package and pour it in.
4. Hold the open end of the bag tightly shut, and shake vigorously, until all the powder is mixed in.
5. Eat and enjoy!! If it's extra-spicy, the teacher will let you leave class to get some water.

*Ajuma= older Korean woman, usually above 30-40 years old and married. I'm not sure if I'm spelling it right.

Chapter 55: "Curiouser and Curiouser..."

The weird times just keep on coming with a new addition to the Boring Middle School Class. Now there are eight, and I have to say, it's a little intimidating. Mostly because they're all my size, all at least 14 years old, and their English levels vary quite a bit, but all of them fall under the category of "Not so good." But the boss says he'll switch the class up soon, maybe next month, because the levels among the students are just too different.

So much for nice weather, too. Tonight we expect a low of 39 degrees. Where on earth did that come from, I have to ask. Two weeks ago I was still using my AC. Now for the first time since about March, I am going to venture out with my hat and gloves. I feel a little stupid, but I feel cold more. This does not bode well for the coming winter of South Korea, which I will be here for. It's still October, and already we're getting the hardcore Texan winter.

At least we seem to be done with typhoon season.

A weird story: last night I was taking a cab home, and every once in a blue moon, you get a driver who speaks decent English. My driver's English was fairly good, and we were making some conversation. He asked me what part of the US I was from, and I said Austin, Texas. Then I said it was about three hours from Dallas, because who outside of the States knows where Austin is....

He goes, "Ah!! Texas!! Amber *wordwiththickkoreanaccent*!"

I didn't understand the word after Amber, and I was like, what on earth....So I asked him to repeat, and he did, it still sounded the same. I thought maybe he was saying an actress from the show Dallas, which I've never seen at all, so I had no idea. Then he repeats it again, and it's Amber Alert. Ahhhh.....I said, "Yeah yeah, for when your child has been kidnapped." And he agreed heartily.

It was lovely that we'd come to a mutual understanding of this aspect of Texas....but weird. Of all the things Koreans know about Texas, this has definitely been the weirdest. And a little creepy, driving in a cab at 2 in the morning, and talking with your driver about a system of recovering kidnapped children...

Chapter 54: "Strange Things..."

Woo!! I'm not dead or anything!! It's been a few weeks since I updated, but nothing very exciting has happened, so don't feel too deprived.

Last night something very odd occurred. On Mondays and Thursdays I have my oldest class, a few middle-schoolers. It's a listening and dictation class, I know I've mentioned it before, and it's very boring. Boring for me, boring for them. It might be more productive if we engaged in some sort of conversation, but their skills aren't so hot, and they're shy and bored and tired. The main point of this being, it's headwreckingly dull. So...why did I get three new students last night? This class is now up to 7 bored, lower-level students. Whether they'll all stay, I don't know, but I'm scratching my head as to why more would be enrolling.

On a more traumatic note, Gidget nearly died last night when she was walking around on my keyboard and accidentally took a header off the computer and chair which my comp was sitting on. That's a long fall for such a little fuzzball like Gidget. Fortunately, I caught her between my fingers. I thought I had squished her, but she seems to be fine.

Finally, I should mention that I'm now past my 8-month mark. Less than 4 months to go, and falling fast. The season's changed and the weather is now a lovely cool temperature. Could this be what fall is supposed to feel like? It's just that I've never encountered such a season before in Texas...

Chapter 53: "In Which Several Things Are Discussed at Random"

A friend once complimented me on this blog, saying that it was written very well in that each post had a topic, and my entries wasn't really suffering from randomness or blogger ADD (not her words). This will not be one of those posts. If I'd been a good blogger, I would've blogged three or four small entries this past week. Instead, you're going to get a really big one.

Here is an outline of the following content:

I. My poor middle school children
A. What happened last Monday
B. Brief rant on school-obsessed Korean culture
II. Why it's important to count off for spelling
A. Student makes minor spelling error
B. I get pwned by her vindictive classmate
III. My eye gets scratched and infected. Owie.
IV. I do grownup things!!
A. Make a decision about a large purchase
1. What is the quality of the brand?
2. What is my budget?
3. Is it pretty and shiny enough?
B. Make said large purchase with funds earned from teaching the little buggers who fuel the
content of this blog.
V. Exciting plans for the coming week

And here we go!! (I almost don't want to keep going in detail, now that I've outlined it so prettily for you.)

So my last class on Mondays and Thursdays is a class of middle schoolers. It's from 8:20 until 9, everyone is tired, and I personally admit, the class is extremely dull. They take a listening quiz, then we rewind the tape and do dictation and writing. Very little personal interaction, which makes it an easy class, but really boring.

I felt especially bad for them, because they nearly always do my homework, they don't do horribly on the tests, and they're relatively attentive during dictation. We do solid listening and dictation for about 35 minutes, and then the boys who sit on either side of me start to complain with "Teacher, stop." and "I'm sorry, I can't." Their two favorite phrases. So I give them their homework assignment and let them stop. Three of them close their books and bury their heads in their arms for a power nap, and the fourth one did homework from another class. How hardcore is that? I mean, when I was 14-15 years old, I didn't powernap on my breaks, nor did I do extra homework! They've likely been at school or outside classes since 8:30 or 9 in the morning, and chances are they're heading to more lessons after the English is finished at 9:45. More evidence to how there will probably be a rise in Korean youth suicides in a couple years from all this work.

On a funnier note, I was teaching the Class of All Girls yesterday. They were doing an exercise in which they had to read definitions and choose the correct word from a word bank. There were like 18 of them, so it was a little intimidating, but they're the cutest little working machines ever, so I had faith in them :-) About ten or fifteen minutes later, I've got 4 10-year-old girls piling around me, each one trying to get me to check her work first (for some reason it's like a trophy to have the teacher check the workbooks with her coveted pens). I check the littlest one's work, and she's got almost all of them right, except for one, "suffer," which she wrote as "supper." It was a silly mistake, and understandable since Koreans substitute the "f" sound with a "p" sound. I let it slide, till another girl just threw a hissy fit that I circled it instead of marking it wrong. I was a little shocked, since these two aren't enemies or anything. I said that it was okay, it was just a simple mistake, she had the right word in mind. This is what my angry student said:
"TEACHER!!! IT'S WRONG!!! IS APPLE SPELLED A-P-P-L-S?!? NO!!!!!"

Not the most logical response to my excuse, but her singular ability to argue her point in articulate English won. Touché, my emphatic Korean child, touché.

Third, somehow I think I scratched my eye. I went to the doctor today though, and he said it was infected from something, not scratched. Oh well. He gave me four pills to take 3 times a day for two days, two kinds of eye drops, and an ointment. More prescription drugs there than I've had since sophomore year of college.

Despite my grotesquely running red eye, I had a lovely time at Exco today, a large convention-center place full of electronics! One of my Korean coworkers went with me to help me look for a camera, as mine is on the severe fritz. I wanted a Canon, the same as what I have and what another foreign coworker has, but her model was a year old at least, and they didn't have any more for the price that she bought hers for ($230). I didn't want to pay more, but it just wasn't there. And I wasn't about to leave without a camera, not after the trouble I'd caused my poor coworker, making her take me shopping and to the eye doctor and all.

And so I ended up buying a Nikon, which I'm not sure is quite as good a quality, but it sure is spiffy, and I take pretty good care of my electronics. You guys, this camera is SO TINY. Ironic that I said "tiny" in caps. But it's so widdle!! And thin!! Very svelte, and the thing that sold me was the ease of using the various menu options. It's 7.1 megapixels, and it's got a screen that's 2.5 inches. In fact, I think I'm going to look at it right now...It was $250, but they sell them as a package deal with software and hardware, two batteries, a gig memory card, and a case. My cool coworker even told the guy to give me a USB card reader for free :-D

This probably sounds a little spoiled of me, but I haven't ever gotten myself something kind of expensive like this. I always wait for Christmas and ask for a thing like this then. But I needed a camera, and I'm no longer working part-time jobs that only pay enough for food and my credit card bill. I'm feeling very elated also that I don't have any consumer's guilt. I get wicked bad consumer's guilt, y'all ;_;

FINALLY. My mom is coming to visit tomorrow!! As I type this, she's flying along to St. Paul/Minneapolis. I'm not currently either city, but stay with me here. She's catching another flight to Tokyo, and then one more to Busan, where I will be this time tomorrow night, hopefully hailing a cab back to the train station with her, and not wandering around looking for the other foreigner in the airport ;_;

Chapter 52: "Sadly..."

I'm very slightly ashamed to say that I never learned how to play Crazy Eights. My sister and my dad knew, but I never played it. This is sad, I know.

What is even sadder is that I learned how today when my non-fluent Korean kids taught me.

And the most saddening thing: Why couldn't anybody just have told me that it's the same as Uno???


Quote from a student:

Me: "Hey Terry."
Terry: "Yes?"
Me: "Why don't you punch the girls in your class? You're in Tae Kwon Do." (Boy is wearing TKD uniform)
Terry: "I will go to jail."

Profound. Later that day, when I asked him for his homework, he showed it to me and said, "Here is the evidence. I am innocent." What a cute kid :-) And he's only 10!!

Chapter 51: "In Which I Recount One Harrowing Rafting Trip"

This past Saturday and Sunday I went on a rafting trip with some people from my church. It was supposed to be an exciting trip, but little did we know that the drive up would be more exciting than the actual rafting...

We left at 8 o'clock Saturday morning for what was supposed to be a three hour drive north. We had rented a small charter bus-van-thing and we were all in good spirits, chatting and laughing and listening to music and such. About an hour or so into the trip, the driver goes off the highway and starts taking smaller back roads. We were then in the mountains, taking hairpin turns up and down on two-lane roads in a vehicle not built for mountain driving and a driver who was a total n00b. It was inevitable that some of us (including me) were going to start to feel a bit woozy. So one by one we started to move towards the front of the bus to get a better view out the front window. The driver was muttering to himself, and it was soon revealed that he was driving in the wrong direction.

The view was lovely, but the beauty was definitely lost on me and some others, as we were turning rather green. Eventually one of the guys told the bus driver to pull over because he had to puke. The bus driver pulled over to the side a bit, even though it was on a turn and there was no shoulder. This was fine, because in Korea, shoulders are for pansies. The sick guy got out and one of the girls climbed out with him to see that he was okay. It actually turned out to be really good that the guy had to throw up, or else the girl would not have seen that our front tire was on fire.

We fled the bus in much the same way as any foreigner will vacate their flaming Korean mode of mass transportation-- very quickly. This a picture of where we stopped to barf and consequently escape our fiery demise:

This is a picture of our bus:
It turned out that it was actually our brakes that were on fire, because the driver was riding them too hard on the sharp hills. We reluctantly got back on the bus for the rest of the trip. It wasn't long before we heard some protests from the back and realized the heater had overheated and had burned one of the girls on the leg. But we didn't have to pull over for that one.

We backtracked several times, but FINALLY we made it to the rafting place. We ate our lunch, changed, had an uneventful afternoon of rafting (except when one guy fell over in the middle of the rapids), and rather warily took the bus back to our pension, where we were going to spend the night. This is the pension:
And a view of the landscape around the pension:

1. And my homies and I:
   

The pension was immaculate, the food was decent, and the only drawback was that the floors we slept on were heated, and it wasn't cool enough to be sleeping on heated floors. It was quite uncomfortable. But the showers had hot water and good pressure, so it was exponentially better than the pension experience from the mud festival.

We had a lot of fun taking pictures in the pitch dark though. Here's some:
This one isn't really what it looks like, but if you've got an embarrassing picture, show it off!!
Catchin' some air.
On Sunday we went paintballing. I've never been before, nor have I ever aspired to, but I guess I can now cross it off my list of things I don't care if I do before I die. Here's a picture of us in our gnarly uniforms. (I'm on the far left, Mom) I got shot once in the hip, it stung and I have a little baby bruise from it, but it wasn't much drama.
And finally, a lovely picture of us leaping for joy in front of the pension. What a great holiday!!

The trip home was blessedly uneventful. Our driver was a pro, we were on the highway the whole time, and I was sitting backwards and didn't get carsick once! We stopped at one of those awesome rest stops and ate lunch and got back mid-afternoon. The whole trip home was three hours, just as it was meant to be -_-;;

Chapter 50: "TERMinal Illness"

Well, not terminal, considering it'll end one way or another in 3 months. But yes, this is the part of the show where I come out and tell you about my new classes. And they are big, let me tell you.

It's not all bad. I've realized that I will likely be teaching the Class of All Boys (no girl anymore) until I leave. When teach them I feel like I'm president of the funny farm, but I think I'll miss them when I go home. I mean, you kind of form a bond when you teach the same little boys five days a week, for a whole year. Hey, I'm just like a regular teacher!

I have two low-level classes, which may be lovely or terrible; the jury's still out. The lower one is full of adorable little kids, probably about 7 years old. They're cute, but it's a really hard class to teach, because I have to drag out the material to make sure it takes up the full term. The same with the other low-level class, which is a level about that one. I've taught those two books a couple times now, and really, some days it feels like I'm viciously beating a dead horse. Maybe this term I'll make up my own material in addition, just to give the kids something else to do.

I still have that class with those two nasty girls, although one is clearly nastier than the other. I was a little surprised when I walked into the classroom and they all acted so excited to see me...I thought the dislike was mutual. I also managed to get the Other Class of All Girls (and One Boy), which was a happy day for me and them. The bright side to this is that I'm teaching three classes the same material, all in a row. Boring, yes, but the book is a little difficult and full of material, so I'm never hemming and hawing while trying to decide what to do next in class. In fact, the book is so full of material that I don't have to give speaking tests!!! Oh glorious term!!

As with last term, a little rain fell on this term, figuratively and literally. Figuratively, because all the little antichrists are still in the Class of Little Antichrists, and they're ready as always to make me go prematurely gray. Or bald. Literally, because it's been raining almost every day since two Saturdays ago. It is raining as I type this. My laundry has been hanging wet from the humidity since Sunday.

That's about it. I should mention that I think my eyebrows are falling out. Not that anybody will notice, because my eyebrows are thick enough to be little wigs for my eyes ㅠ.ㅠ

Chapter 49: "A Frightening Prospect"

We've discovered something disturbing about our Korean cell phones. When you send a text out, it asks you to confirm the "sending number" which is, of course, yours. Or is it? Yes, my friends, you can actually alter the number so that the person getting the text thinks it is from somebody else.

The possibilities are endless. Just last night, I got a text from my boss saying, "Joanna-Teacher, you're fired. You have until Monday to vacate your smelly apartment."

In other news, I've gotten my new schedule for the next term, and it's looking fairly pleasant. I got the Class of Nice Girls again, and I'm almost positive I have the Other Class of Nice Girls as well, I class that I had the term before last. I also have a lot of classes of older kids who I've already been teaching for two terms. They're not always my most joyous classes, but they are far from the worst, and as they say, better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

I do, however, still have the Class of Little Antichrists, but I think it's just once a week. Gah, I can't stand them. I don't have a roster for my classes, just my schedule, so nobody knows which kids are in what class. It could be that all of the bad kids have been kicked out, in which case, huzzah! OR it could be that they've all been collected into one group which I have to teach, in which case, *headdesk*.

The boy with the excuses (see previous entry) has left, so while that particular class will be exponentially more peaceful, I will truly miss him. He was quite the comedian.

I'll update again in a few days with a better report on all of my new classes. This is the last full term I'll have before leaving! I've been here for almost seven months, can you believe it?

Chapter 48: "My Favorite Excuse"

I don't get many excuses as to why my kids don't do their homework. I must say, they're not too creative. About 99% of my excuses are: "I didn't do." (no excuse, really) and "Teacher, computer was brrrrrrrrrrrrr." This means they couldn't hear the audio file, or that their computer was broken.

However, there is one boy who consistently does not do his homework, and consistently gives me my favorite excuse to date: "Teacher, I want to do, but I can't!" (Keep in mind, past tense is lost on even the very best of my students, when speaking conversationally.) When I ask him why not, it always involves any manner of violent crimes which occurred at his house the night before. Most result in the death of one or more family member, and sometimes grievous injury to himself as well.

But that's not the part I like; he's always going on about blood and shooting and killing during class. I enjoy that he has made the effort to convince me that, despite these horrible things which have happened to him, he really wanted to do my homework. He tried very hard to complete the assignment, but forces beyond his control kept him from his beloved English studies. Such a dedicated student. *wipes away tear*

Chapter 47: "Only for the Daring..."

So I was in Busan today and I found a new food that I really like, except it's kind of gross to foreigners. And no, it's not maggots.

It's hard-boiled quail egg. I can't get over how tasty they are, waaaaaay better than chicken eggs.

Ok, that's all.

Chapter 46: "After You!"

Today in class, Emo Kid and the Only Girl did something really nice!! We were reading out loud, and I called on the Only Girl to read. I don't have any reason usually for choosing who I chose, other than to even it out so all the kids get a chance. Of course, Emo Kid was quite distressed that I didn't chose him, and he asked me, "WHYYYYY TEACHERRRRR!!!!" and I told him my usual answer, "No reason" with a shrug.

Then the Only Girl said, "You can read it," which made Emo Kid pleased as punch. But just as he started to read, he stopped, and said, "No it's okay, you can read." So the Only Girl ended up reading after all.

I have to say, I was shocked. The kids aren't mean or particularly selfish or anything, but I think in general, the Korean society doesn't have much of an "after you" attitude. This attitude is really over the top of course in the South/Texas, which I've missed since coming here. One the subway, for example, you don't wait for people to exit before you pile onto the train. Everyone just kind of pushes and shoves till they get where they're going. It's not rude to them, because nobody takes offense. On the elevator it's the same way, which is sometimes even more awkward, since the doors have bad sensors and commonly close on you if you're not fast enough.

Once while trying to exit the subway, I couldn't find a gap in the sea of people to step into, because there were all these old people, and I can't stand the thought of stepping right in front of a feeble old person to get out of the subway!! This old Korean woman grabbed my arm and towed me along with her to get out :-) It was really cute ^.^

Chapter 45: "The Functional Use of the Word 'Petrification' in Beginner's Korean Conversation"

Essentially, there is none. But today in the all-girls class, that's what they were teaching me. The word for "fossil" or "petrification." It took like fifteen minutes to do, because unfortunately English speakers can't hear the difference between the right sound and the wrong one, and thus cannot easily reproduce that sound on purpose.

I discovered that about five minutes into the lesson, but it took fifteen minutes because the two girls teaching me wouldn't accept my failure at pronouncing this important Korean word.

If you think about it, in English, most words can be said with an accent, and everyone knows what you're saying because of it's context in the sentence. Yes, we can tell your first language isn't English, but whatever. Not so in Korean? Hehehe

Eventually I discovered that the problem was with my pitch, and not pronunciation of the consonant. And pitch I can usually do.

Anyways, it was a cute lesson :-) And now I can say the word (sort of). It's "hwa suc" and NOT "hwa ssuc."

*headdesk*

Chapter 44: "The Plight of Emo Kid"

I mentioned for a short time in my last post, Emo Kid, the kid who is extremely angry and emotional every day. Well, today he had a another episode of, well, himself, so I thought I'd explain it so everyone can appreciate the little guy.

Backstory:

Emo Kid is usually a very happy-go-lucky, smart kid. He's very competitive, and it tends to pay off, because I would call him a very close second to the smartest kid in class, who is the Korean version of the typical brainy kid. When I first started teaching him, he always cried when he didn't make an A or the top score in the class. His classmates told me that his father hits him when he doesn't score high enough, so I felt sorry for him, and tried to make the tests as easy as I could get away with.

However, I've heard nothing of his abusive father this whole term, and most of last term. But this kid's emotional outbursts have just gotten worse and worse. While I was shocked and disturbed at first, as my mother always says, you can get used to anything (she usually says this to dissuade me from watching violent movies or cursing or smoking pot or prostituting myself). These days he has these tantrums at least twice a week, and there was one week where he had one every day. And, now he doesn't just cry about test scores. Oh no.

Because this class is such a handful, I give them ways to compete in how well they behave, to keep them in some manner of order. I draw a happy face and an angry face on the board. If they do something good, like answer a question correctly in English or are sitting very quietly and paying attention, I write their name under the happy face and give them checks for every additional time. They get stickers for these "points." If they misbehave, I write their name under the angry face, and if they get enough checks after that, eventually I make them stand up or go stand outside, or something like that.

And now, on with the story:

Today we were studying out of their reading book. I was letting everyone take turns reading a short story (they don't seem to get tired of the rereads), and all the boys were freaking out over who would get to read next. I called on ADD Kid or somebody to read, and Emo Kid almost started crying, and he whined, "Teacher, whyyyyyyy....."

After that, I asked a question about a word in the story that they might not have known, to see who could answer best. Because they have to answer in English, it's hard sometimes, so I give a positive point to the first person who can define the word or at least mention a synonym articulately. It's often clear that they know what it means, but the goal is to get them acquainted with expressing themselves in English, instead of wild hand motions, sound effects, interpretive dance, etc. I took about two or three answers from the different kids (the word was "hatched") before the Smart One gave a shockingly creative and accurate answer. So I gave him the point. Emo Kid cried. I tried to placate him by saying he would have another chance.

On the next story, there weren't really any good vocabulary questions I could ask, but I thought one up. I asked every kid in the class, including Emo Kid, what they thought it was, but nobody could clearly explain, and eventually it came back around to the Smart One, who again, gave a good answer. I gave him another point. Emo Kid cried harder this time, burying his head in his arms, perhaps throwing his book on the floor. I can't remember, it all happens at least once.

I felt bad that Emo Kid took it so personally, so I told the class whoever finished the quiz at the end first would get a point. Emo Kid finished first, and answered all but one question correctly, so I gave him the point, despite protests from his classmates. He'd been acting up in class, so his name had been on the "angry" side of the board.

Emo Kid was satisfied, but one of the other boys said something to him while I was checking his quiz, and he hit the boy. I just don't put up with hitting and violence in this class (Emo Kid is the only one who does it anyways), but I didn't want to take his point away only 30 second after he'd got it, so I snapped at him and told him to go sit down. He did (crying), threw his chair around, threw some more books, before finally settling down.

Not a minute later, he got back up, walked around the table to ADD Kid, and hit him, for no apparent reason. It wasn't hard, but at that point I'd had just about enough of his antics. I erased his name, the bell rang, and we left Emo Kid beside himself with fury and grief at his lost sticker.

I don't want to sound heartless, because I usually cater to crying kids here, since none of them pull the crocodile tears on me. I feel like maybe I don't see or understand what the other kids do to make him angry, so I try not to call him out often, in case I'm not getting the whole story. But seriously, I do this routine several times a week. Emo Kid was upset, and that's unfortunate, but he gets upset not only over his losses, but other people's gains. ADD Kid always gets written up under the angry face, plus his mother dresses him like a homosexual! That's a major reason to have emotional issues, yet he's just as enthusiastic about class as if he were the smartest one. I'll probably handle another one of Emo Kid's tantrums later this week, and if I do, I'll mention it so you all can get a followup story :-)

Chapter 43: "Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow"

So I arrived at school today in a very good mood. My mood improved (surprisingly) during my first class, which is the All Boys and One Girl Class. Normally they are nuts. Today was normal. But for some reason, probably because I'd just had a week long break from them, their antics just amused me.

First, ADD Kid got a haircut. Like, I didn't even recognize him at first. Seriously, I was going to ask what the new kid's name was. It used to be this big ol' sugar bowl cut that his mother must've poufed for him every morning, because hair doesn't normally look like that. And now it's this very Asian-trendy choppy cut, very cute. I'll post a picture sometime soon; this kid also wears the most ridiculous clothing, and I want you all to share in my amusement. Speaking of, that was how I finally registered in my brain that it was ADD Kid, and not some new kid; he wears these mini short shorts a lot, entirely unsuitable for his gender, and he was wearing them today.

Second (in going along with the hair theme), the Smart One was being clever again in class today :-) To recap this class (I've had them every day for the past 5 months), it's a bunch of insane 8-or-9-year-old boys. Their English is quite good for their age, but it always shocks and amuses me when they use their somewhat limited vocabulary to make a joke.

Joanna-Teacher (conducting question-and-answer): "Do you like to wash your hair?"
Emo Kid (formerly known as Child-Abuse Kid): "Yes, I do."
The Smart One: "Teacher! He lie! I smell his hair and...." *screws up face and clamps hand over nose*

I couldn't help laughing, but Emo Kid got kind of angry (big surprise). Ah well. All things considered, as easy as this boy is to set off (accidentally and on purpose), I kind of commend the other boys for not taking full advantage. They egg him on some, for sure, but I can't bring myself to whole-heartedly defend a boy who cries and throws a tantrum three out of five days of the week.

Finally, since the title of this entry involves hair, I have to mention again how much I am enjoying my unclogged sink. Seriously, before I cleared it out, I was brushing my teeth over the toilet. Which is gross.

Chapter 42: "I Got Skillz"

Plumbing skillz, that is. I'm feeling particularly proud of myself for unclogging my bathroom sink with out the help of an actual plumber. For a couple weeks now, I've been having to avoid using my sink, because the water was backed up so bad. It was nasty, let me tell you. But I cleaned it out! And now I know that when I shed, truly, I shed everywhere. Especially the bathroom sink.

This post is dedicated to Danny, who makes up like a third of my fandom, and was lamenting to me just today that I had not posted recently. Sorry, I'll try to make it relatively interesting.

Well, I wish I had some nice pictures of the mud festival, but I don't, someone else has the best ones. When I get them, I'll post them.

Last weekend I went rafting...somewhere. We went with a tour group up from Seoul to some remote river. It was really fun, since it was my first time rafting. Our guide didn't speak much English, but there were a couple of people on the raft who were bilingual, so it was okay. I was sitting nearest to the guide from my side of the raft, and he kept rapping on my life jacket, or my helmet, and when I looked to see what he wanted, he'd be pointing at another raft, filled with Koreans. I'd smile and wave and say hello, and splash them with water, the usual. Sometimes the guide would say, "Speak English!" like we were going to strike up English conversation with the other Korean strangers out on the river. Maybe he was just trying to show off that he had a boatful of white people? It's not the strangest thing, white people are quite the novelty. I myself sometimes feel like standing in a store window, just to show off my unique caucasian physical attributes....

Later that day some people went bungee jumping. This is the bridge they jumped off of:

I did not join them.

Last week I was in Shanghai with friends. Twas lovely, if not a bit hot. I really like shopping, and I managed to snag the most realistic (and comfiest) fake Abercrombie and Fitch sweatpants ever. I mean, seriously, either the person who faked them is a genius, or they just fell off the back of the A&F truck. I want to wear them for the rest of my life, they are so comfortable. Here is the essence of the trip:

This is the view from my friends' apartment where I stayed.

These are some pretty fish from the aquarium. Some of the fish looked a bit ill though, which made me sad. Still, aquariums are really awesome!

This is me with the statues of some tourists.

Me on a motorbike. It was fun!

Pedestrian shopping place/street/thing. Hello friend, you like watch, bag, Louis Vuitton?

Yuyuan Gardens. Don't know if I spelled that right.

The etiquette bell. This was in a bathroom in the Seoul airport. Apparently you push it and it makes a convincing flushing sound, if you have stage fright, or don't want other people to hear. When I first saw it, I thought it was to ring for an attendant or something. The thought of a little old Korean custodian lady arriving to help me with my various bathroom needs was a bit disturbing, so I didn't push it. And even though now I know its true purpose, I'm still too scared to push it, just in case it does call for an attendant....

Well, that's it. Today is my 6 month anniversary here, hooray. Downhill (sort of) from here! I feel refreshed (a little) and ready (as I'll ever be) to start another week of school!

Chapter 41: "Let's Give Them Something To Talk About"

"Something to talk about" being my ghastly sunburn, left over from this past weekend at the Mud Festival. I was only out in the sun for about 2 1/2 hours, and I was walking around with clothes on (i.e. not swimming or sitting around in my bathing suit) for half that time! Anyways, it's reminiscent of the great French Riviera Sun Poisoning of Easter 2006, and indeed possibly the Roasting which occurred at Madagorda Island in 1996. I don't usually get burned on my knuckles -_- Thank goodness I didn't buy one of those ridiculous reflective mats for sunbathing, right now my skin does not appreciate me.

Anyways, at school today all my students gawked and laughed at me. Even the teachers laughed at me. One couldn't stop laughing, so I had to hold a piece of paper in front of my face when I talked to her. Still, it's not as bad as one of my coworker's. When he got sunburned last week, his eyes were swollen shut.

I would post a pic of my new soon-to-be tanlines, but my mom reads this blog, and she hates it when I burn, and she'll be angry with me :-( (sorry mommy!)

Meanwhile, the Mud Festival was quite fun! It takes a little bit of daring to be able to cover yourself with mud and let other people wipe it on you and give you big muddy hugs. Once your clothing is filthy and you can't get any dirtier, it's really fun :-) Our bus ride there was ridiculously long, because a bunch of people on the bus were drinking, and needed to use the john a lot, so we had to stop every hour. Also, they smoked, so they needed their nicotine fixes as well. But it turns out that Korean truck stops are like 100x better than American truck stops. They aren't seedy at all; on the contrary, they're popular stops for buses and they have fresh food and ice cream and nice places to sit and admire the middle-of-nowhere scenery. I can't believe how much I love Korean food.

Our "hotel" was scary; the only thing that would've made it scarier would be varmints. We had to sleep on the floor, the air conditioning was touch-and-go, there was a plague of mosquitos the size of birds, and a shortage of blankets. And no shower. Go to a mud festival, and come back to a hotel lacking showers. I just dare you to. The "shower" was a spigot in the bathroom that tricked ice-cold water. To wash oneself, one had to fill a bucket with this icy water and pour it on oneself. One was not pleased (or completely clean) when one was done.

I spent the night squished between two other people, and at least 4 people in the room snored. But the couple who owned the place were extremely friendly and helpful, so we couldn't exactly get mad at them for the setup. They barbecued for us, and that was tasty as well. The advantage to foreigners here is that pretty much none of us are the prissy types. How can we be? We have to completely change lifestyles to live here, and a lot of us are the nomadic backpackers one sees in Europe/Asia/Australia....

Sunday was relaxing for the most part, in that we got to just putz around the beach/mud area for a couple of hours. I ate a double-fried corn dog, which was a special experience with no negative after-effects besides getting ketchup on my towel. The water temperature was perfect, the beach was beautiful, and there were lots of foreigners there to talk to. I even had the hopefully once-in-a-lifetime chance to shower in a community shower. I paid $2 to stand in with a bunch of stark-naked old Korean women and spray myself (again) with freezing cold water. But it felt so good to FINALLY get the rest of the crusty sand and mud off me that I didn't care.

The ride home was boring and gross because they were playing Arrested Development, and it was making me motion sick. It also took ages to get home, even if we only stopped once, because the bus driver was driving uber-slow.

Tomorrow we have a random vacation, which is nice, if not a bit inconveniently-placed. Why the Korean holidays come in the middle of the week, I just don't know.

Chapter 40: "The Littlest Snaggletooth: A Heartwarming Tale of Korean Dentistry"

And now I present to you the story of the Littlest Snaggletooth:

Once upon a time there was an English teacher who lived in a faraway land. Her students were very cute, but there was one little boy in particular to whom she was especially endeared. He gazed up at her with big brown eyes (well, as big as they can be when one is Asian. Hey, what can you do?) and a face lit with childlike joy and hope that she would grace him with her fair smile (silence, peanut gallery). He was the smartest, tried the hardest, answered the most questions in class, and he lived for the days when the teacher would allow him to play his favorite game. This game was quite popular, and involved the little boy holding a stick figure hostage on a rope and demanding that his classmates guess the English word that he was thinking of, letter by letter. The teacher was often stumped when her students played this game, but this was because her students were bad spellers.

All and all, the boy was charming, sweet and adorable. The teacher grew to favor him above all of the other children in the class. This was not difficult for her, considering that the other children yelled and ran about and traded Pokemon cards and caused her to grow gray hair prematurely.

But there was a dark shadow cast over the little boy's sweet appearance, one which made it difficult for the teacher to even look him in the face. For indeed, the child was horribly snaggletoothed. He had a smile full of little baby teeth, which were one by one freeing themselves as time passed. To his great misfortune, one of his baby front teeth had not yet parted ways with him, and was looking to be in a most miserable state. It was of a dark gray color, decayed, and was turned in such a manner as God had never intended a tooth to be turned. To gaze upon this small child as he spoke was to gaze upon one with a booger in their nose or a bit of foliage trapped under the gum, or perhaps one with a crossed or lazy eye.

The teacher was not sure why this boy's tooth was still hanging around after so many months, but it would've been rude to ask, so she let it be and pretended (badly) not to notice.

Then one day when the teacher came to class, the little boy smiled at her as usual, and the tooth was gone! The gap that replaced it was the most beautiful absence of tooth that the teacher had ever seen, and she did rejoice for days afterward. And all was well once again in that faraway land, and the Littlest Snaggletooth was snaggletoothed no more.

The End.

Chapter 39: "What, you've never seen a white person before?"

The title of this entry is just because for some reason the constant staring has been getting to me this past week. It really hasn't much up until now. I mean, I stare at other white people, it's understandable that the locals will stare at me. But just recently I've been thinking, "Okay, the novelty has worn off, stop staring, I'm just white. Don't you watch MTV?"

This mild irritation was made even more intense this evening, when a small group of us foreigners were openly stared at by three 20-something Korean guys while eating dinner. Like, serious staring. One of the guys actually turned his chair towards us and scooted forward to openly spectate. We tried not to notice, but it's hard to miss the faces turned at you, even in your peripheral vision. I accidentally made eye-contact with the most brazen of them, and it was the scariest thing. It's like making eye contact with someone you know at the grocery store who you want to avoid.

Speaking of scary things, I had to take evasive maneuvers again on Sunday night when I accidentally made eye contact with a guy who looked to be Pakistani on the subway, and I thought he might be following me. For those who didn't read the whole entry way back in March or whenever it was, I had another Pakistani guy follow me for like 2 hours, trying to engage me in conversation and confessing is affection for me. Again, I'm not being racist, but my coworkers have had the same experience with the Pakistani guys here, and the conclusion is that while they don't appear to be dangerous, they looooove foreign girls, and can't take a hint.

It's been a while since I've updated, and that's partly because my computer's hard drive bit the dust, and I had to wait for it to be replaced. So...yeah. That's that.

Um, I went to Busan again. It was pretty fun on the Saturday that we went, but on Sunday we totally got typhooned.

This weekend we're going to the mud festival, which is exactly what it sounds like. Look forward to pictures.

The next weekend or something I think we're going rafting, and the two girls (my coworkers) who I'm going with are planning on going bungee jumping. I won't be a part of that, except to stand above or below and film their demise.

Finally, I've been watching a lot of Korean music videos on late-night MTV, and I've noticed a trend with the slower, more ballad-like ones. There is a couple, but one or both of them shall die in a gruesome or tragic manner. I'm inserting one of my personal favorites here for your viewing pleasure:



I don't speak Korean, and I'm not an expert on the production of this video or the artist, but from what I can gather, it's the heartwrenching tale of a girl who is possibly slightly mentally retarded, and her narcoleptic boyfriend. Watch as the poor couple struggles to cope with the boy's debilitating disorder, and how his disease ultimately results in his girlfriend's untimely death.

Chapter 38: "The Foreign Sasquatches"

This weekend I was in Busan with some friends, and Saturday night we were all chatting it up in a restaurant down by the beach. Of course, one of the favorite (and funniest) subjects came up eventually....our strange students. When I first arrived and was shadowing the teacher I was replacing, I remember seeing that the little kids had a complete fascination with his bushy arm hair, and I had to ask the guys at the table if they had the same problem of kids trying to pull it. Loosely quoted from one of the guys:

"No, they don't pull it, but they'll come and try to pet me. Like, I'll be in the middle of teaching class and I'll feel this little hand touching my arm, and I look over and there's some little kid stroking me."

Most fortunately I don't have bushy arm hair, and thus do not have this problem. Nor do I have the problem of little boys trying to stick their fingers up my butt (the "kancho" for anyone who's familiar with the Japanese counterpart). Guy teachers commonly deal with this though, and I am thankful every day that I am a woman and my biggest problem of that nature is getting a boob high-five.

Chapter 37: "Korean Class...THE MOVIE"

And now, what none of you have been waiting for......:



Me candidly filming the all-boy class, from about a month ago. This is what I do.....all day....five days a week.....

Chapter 36: "Loss of the Street Cred"

My reputation as an actual adult took a severe blow this evening as two of my students witnessed me doing the Happy Dance™ with a bag of potato chips in the teacher's room on one of the security monitors. Ah well. At least I wasn't picking my nose or smelling my pits.

We followed this incident with a lesson in how to abuse the pronunciation of common English letters and words. The Koreans, much like the Japanese (more famous), tend towards some very grievous pronunciation errors, especially when using the sounds of b, v, f, l, and r. They also add extra syllables in words for no apparent reason. They add "-u" (oo) and "-e" (ee) most frequently. One of my students was kind enough to correct my pronunciation, to make it more Korean. He helped me in particular to butcher the letter "v" which in Korean-accent, is pronounced "buwee."

Don't ask me how they can tell what the letter "b" is, because I just don't even know.

Anyways, I learned how to say "messagee" (message) and "telepon" (telephone) and my students told me to go practice at home. It was pretty much the funniest thing ever, because they won't speak English to me otherwise -_-

Chapter 35: "It's Getting Hot in Here..."

Ok, I just have to say that I'm really angry with myself.

To take a hot shower, I have to adjust a thermostat on my wall to "hot water" or whatever it is in Korean, and take my shower. Simple. The hard part is remembering to turn it off when I'm done. Because I can't figure out the timer on the thing, and the thermostat switches over to regular heating after about an hour or so.

I cannot tell you how many times a month I take a shower before work or going out, forget to switch the heater off, and come back to a stifling room who knows how many hours later. This is not the weather for the heater. GAAAHHH!!! *stomps over to aircon to switch it on*

Chapter 34: "It's so prettyyyy....I want to touch it!"

So, I take a water bottle to every class. It's kind of my comfort object, and also enables me to drink four or five bottles a day without really paying attention. Sometimes I bring juice, but usually just water. Anyways, I do believe now that there is nothing a Korean child desires more than my water bottle.

If you are sitting next to Joanna-Teacher, you will feel an uncontrollable urge to take her bottle from her when she's not paying attention. If it's cold, you'll put it on your neck or on your head or down your shirt. You'll pretend that you're going to drink it, just to freak Teacher out. You'll beg and beg for a drink of hers instead of going to the water cooler yourself. If you are younger, you will even put the cap end in your mouth, and gnaw absently on it while doing listening exercises, until Teacher sees what you are doing and takes it away again. If you are older, you should know what the younger ones have been doing to the water bottle and not touch it at all.

All in all, my water bottle gets handled and sucked on by about twenty different kids during the day. It's no wonder I get sick. On the bright side, my immunity is probably so high now that I'll never have a cold again.

PS. You might pause to wonder why Korean kids think it's perfectly normal to ask for a drink right out of someone's personal water bottle. People are sanitary here, but at the park yesterday I saw an old grandmother sharing an ice cream bar with a little toddler. She bit into the bar, made a yukky face, took the bite out of her mouth, and put it into the kid's mouth. So that might be what it comes from.

Chapter 33: "Class Change! The REPORT."

And my first Monday with the new schedule is OVAH!! This means I've met pretty much all my students. It went thusly:

First class was the class of all boys (no more girl) that I had last term. This class includes the Smart Kid and Child Abuse Boy. They're just as insane as always. Today we were reviewing the months, and I was having each of them say the months backwards, just because they can. They were doing it, but as they are all little 8-yr-old boys, they must do it at the top of their lungs. We were having fun, but the head teacher came in anyways and told them to be quiet. She looked a bit shocked at what was going on. I control the class pretty well, I think, but like I said, they're insane.

Next was a new class that I have MWF. They seem pretty obedient, but not so quiet. They're maybe 9 or 10 years old, and their level, while lower than the first class, isn't bad for their age. But they have this cute talent. They can pinch their noses shut (maybe this is just something Asians can do) and suck in really sharply, so their nose stays pinched shut. Then they cross their eyes and flap their hands. They look like some weird sort of bird, it's hilarious.

Next was another new MWF class. I know a few of these kids from my very first term, and they're nice. There is one girl who said hi to me every time she saw me in the halls, so it's easy to remember her. I also have Mute Girl, who cried in my class on my very first day of teaching (wasn't my fault). There's one boy who cracks me up in there. His antics. I'll be writing a lot about them I think, because he's such a goofball.

After that (sorry, this is my long day) I had another new class, which, when everyone is in attendance, will have like 9 or 10 kids. Oh my gosh. That is a lot of little buggers to handle. They behave pretty well. I guess they are also 10-11 years old. All the boys wanted to do name-changes too. One boy wanted to name himself Plevin (rhyming with another boy's name-change to Kevin). I tried to tell him that Plevin is not a name. But he could've been saying "plumbing" for all I know. Their accents are quite thick.

Next was the class I loathe the most, because of those irritating 12/13-yr-old girls who insist on speaking Korean in class, no matter what I do, and laugh at me and talk about me in Korean openly. Brings me right back to junior high, except now I can't even understand what they're saying. So, when I heard that the entire class, except one new girl, was on a camping trip, I nearly cried. It was the best day of my life.

The next class was one I had last term, but with some new girls that I already knew from a different class from last term. It's five girls now, all of them as sweet and nice as they can be. Btw, one of them was the girl who threw up in class, but now that I know her and she speaks up more (and is not ill), I can't bear to dub her with a nickname that pertains to barf -_- The one drawback to this class is that they all want to be my friend and not study, so they're harder to control. I'd rather just babysit them and not teach. They're the type to swarm me and braid my hair. There's no way I'll be putting any of them out in the hall this term ;_;

The final two classes are those poor junior high classes that I teach from 8:20 till 9:45. And that's late, my friends. They're so subdued, it's not like it's hard to keep them in line. But I feel like I have to do a Three Stooges routine to get any sort of reaction out of them. Granted, it is extremely boring material. However, one funny thing did happen in the last class. We had a word test, and they boys' grades were baaaad. So I told them to copy all their mistakes five times. One boy didn't want to, he only wanted to copy them 3 times (wouldn't you, if you had fifteen words to copy?). We haggled for a bit, but he wouldn't go up. And since the kids really have no incentive to do any homework at all, I can't exactly say, "Do your homework or else." So we did what all great and powerful leaders and dictators do to come to decisions of grave importance. We played rock-paper-scissors. He won.